Four Christmases
by k2912p
Summary: Written in response to the Facebook no dialogue Christmas Challenge. Dotty West reflects at Christmas.


The usual disclaimers apply. Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Christmas 1982

Dotty looked at her daughter and sighed. Amanda had put up a good front throughout the Christmas season but now, on Christmas Eve, the weight of her sadness seemed to be pressing on her. Her daughter stared forlornly at the Christmas tree, seemingly lost in thought. Her divorce from Joe had been finalized the previous summer. Since then, Amanda had made it her mission to give her boys the best of everything. She worked herself to the point of exhaustion with camping trips, volunteering in the school, helping with their homework and the seemingly endless stream of after school activities. Amanda had never let the boys see how the divorce had affected her and had managed to explain it to them in a way that they didn't even seem to realize that it was a terrible thing that their parents were no longer together. In fact, anyone that knew Amanda could hardly tell that anything was wrong at all; she pasted on a smile and went about her day as she had for many years.

Dotty thought about the day that Amanda had finally broken down. The boys had just gone off to school and Amanda and Dotty were bustling about the kitchen cleaning up after the usual whirlwind of breakfast. Amanda had accidentally knocked into the creamer, sending it to the floor in a loud crash. When she had bent to clean it up, she had been overcome with emotion and sobbed uncontrollably. It was all Dotty had been able to do to gather her only child in her arms and hold her as she sobbed out her sadness. It was then that Amanda had confided in Dotty that she felt she had failed. If she had only been a better wife, a better mother, a better _everything_, then maybe her sons wouldn't be the product of a broken home; maybe her sons would have the life they deserve. It was the only time Dotty had seen her daughter mourn for her failed marriage, a failure that Amanda had deemed all her fault. Nothing Dotty had said had made any difference to Amanda. She absorbed all of the blame for her marriage failing and was bound and determined to make her sons' lives as normal as possible.

The presents under the tree stood as testament to that; presents from Santa mingled with presents from Amanda and Dotty, as well as presents from Joe that had just arrived in time for Christmas. The mountain of gifts under the tree was substantially larger than in years past. Dotty shook her head in aggravation; if only Joe had put as much effort into his marriage as he had into his gift selection, perhaps they could still be a family. Dotty would never understand why her son-in-law had deemed it more important to run off and take care of strangers then it was to stay home and take care of his family. However, her annoyance was much more focused on the fact that he had managed to make Amanda feel like it was her fault that she had not been able to keep her family together.

Dotty watched her daughter stare at the Christmas tree, her arms wrapped around herself and wished earnestly that there was something under that tree to bring the light back into her daughter's eyes.

Christmas 1984

Dotty stared at her daughter and sighed. She knew something was up with her only child but any efforts made by Dotty to talk about the changes she had seen in her were met with a quick change of subject, a flat out denial, or a sudden errand that had to be done right then.

Her sudden disappearances were becoming more frequent. 'How many pet and plant emergencies could there possibly be?' she mused. She thought back to last year when she didn't return until early Christmas morning. Apparently she had spent the entire night watching that troublesome chimpanzee after it had eaten an entire fruitcake. How on earth her daughter had gotten involved with that creature, she didn't know. Dotty was sad to hear of its untimely passing, having tragically pulled a hair dryer with it into the bath tub. That poor Miss Desmond must have been beside herself with grief. As usual, whenever Dotty tried to ask about it, Amanda would either say it was too hard to talk about or change the subject.

It was fortunate in a way because shortly thereafter Amanda had been asked to work on a more regular basis with IFF. Dotty wasn't thrilled about the irregular hours but seeing Amanda happy mollified her. The light was definitely coming back into her eyes, and for that Dotty was willing to overlook the irregularities that had become normal for her daughter.

Christmas 1985

Dotty stared at her daughter and sighed. She was once again staring out the back door, as if she was waiting for something…or _someone_, to magically appear. She found Amanda in this position more and more often these last few months. She still dashed off at odd hours and had the strangest explanations for ruined clothing and long absences but now she also found her daughter smiling with a dreamy look on her face almost as often. Amanda still didn't confide in her, still changed the subject and denied anything unusual going on but one thing was becoming clear. Her daughter was happy again. Dotty could accept the lack of answers… for now.

Christmas 1987.

Dotty stared out the window and sighed, reflecting on all of the changes the past year had brought. Amanda shot, finding out about the marriage and their jobs, and now they were here. She stared out at the frozen landscape and watched the snow dance in the streetlights. Very few cars were on the road due to both the winter storm and the late hour on Christmas Eve. Snow was accumulating on every surface, effectively tucking the city in to slumber. All was not as it seemed, however, as the tableau in front of her was not viewed through her own window but that of a hospital.

This holiday had been much more active than any other in her memory. Not only did she have a new son-in-law; her daughter was giving her another grandchild, due to arrive six weeks after Christmas.

The shock of the "mystery marriage" had been difficult to accept. Dotty was not proud of the harsh words and accusations she had initially lobbed at her daughter and Lee and she was chagrined when they had only responded with understanding and love. She was surprised at how well the boys had adjusted to the news. She had thought for sure that Jamie was going to have a hard time, but he had been more accepting of their secrets than was Philip. Philip had looked to Lee as a friend, and felt initially that he was losing that bond. The two didn't know how to relate to each other for several days until Jamie stepped in and bridged the gap from friendship to family. He gently reminded them both that they wanted the same thing; they wanted to be in each other's lives. All that had really changed was that Lee was a step-father to them now and that was something they wanted anyway. Jamie argued that Lee and Amanda had good reasons to have kept their secrets and aside from now knowing the truth nothing had changed there, either. Dotty had been astounded by Jamie's speech but it had given her the closure she had needed to accept things as they now were. Once everyone was on even footing, the house was filled with more love than it ever had been before.

Shortly after Lee had moved in, Amanda had gone for yet another checkup. She had gone to plenty of those ever since the awful events in California, receiving passing marks every time. In fact, this was to be the last follow up. Dotty recalled the looks on the faces of Lee and Amanda as they returned home following that visit. She remembered rushing from the kitchen to greet them in the family room where they sat looking shell-shocked, a look Dotty adopted a moment later when Amanda had confessed the visit did not go as planned; they had indeed found something. Amanda was having a baby.

Dotty wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she pulled herself from her musings. The snow was coming down heavier now, making the roads impassible. She wouldn't be leaving any time soon, so she allowed herself the luxury of watching the scene play out in front of her. She bowed her head and prayed softly, "please let them be all right." She stood solemnly in place, hugging herself to keep the fear away.

She had been home wrapping some last minute gifts when the phone rang. Lee's frantic voice had told her Amanda had fallen on some ice and the baby was coming, meet them at Gallilee hospital. She had called Joe to get the boys and called a cab to take her to the hospital as she knew she was in no shape to drive. She prayed through her tears in a scene eerily similar to one she had played out in February. That had worked out okay, and this would too. By the time she arrived at the hospital she was composed enough to see Lee and get an update on Amanda's condition.

The news wasn't great; the doctors didn't think they could stop the labor. The medications weren't doing what they should have done. They felt that the combination of the fall and, as they put it, Amanda's advanced maternal age worked against them. It was likely the baby would be born tonight, six weeks premature. They were assured that the baby would most likely be fine.They had given Amanda a shot to strengthen the baby's lungs, they were prepared. All that was left to do was wait.

Dotty wanted to see her daughter but her obstetrician deemed her condition too fragile to allow anyone other than Lee in the room. Left alone, she had gone to fetch a cup of coffee. She had sat in the cafeteria for a half hour, drawing as much strength as she could from the bitter brew before finally heading back to maintain her vigil. She had been back for less than five minutes before Lee came rushing towards her, excitedly telling her all about her new granddaughter. Despite the worry of her early entrance into the world, Dotty laughed at the new father gushing over his baby girl. Other than being a little small, she looked to be just fine, as was Amanda. He turned to go back in and just as quickly had turned back to envelop her into a strong hug. After a minute, he had gone back to his family and Dotty was once again left to stare at the snow.

Her thoughts turned to her son-in law, and she smiled as she recalled the night she had found him in the family room at three a.m. surrounded with a stack of baby books. Dotty had teased him, telling him he didn't have to become a doctor to be a father. It had broken down Lee's defenses and he had confided in her all of his fears. They talked about his childhood, the loss of his parents and most importantly, his fear of failing Amanda or their family in any way. Dotty had comforted him, explained things to him that he didn't understand about childbirth and parenting and reassured him that their conversation would stay between them. She had made him promise to come to her with any fears from now on and she would help him through. She told him that night for the first time that she loved him and she thought of him as a son. She had held him as he cried out all of his fears and a special bond had been formed. From that moment on, he couldn't do enough for her.

One night over dinner, she had mentioned getting her own place to make room for the new baby. Nothing could have prepared her for Lee's reaction. He had begged and pleaded with her not to go, they would find a bigger place if need be, but she was his family and she wasn't going anywhere. She had silently questioned his sincerity but the next day there were ten real estate ads laid out and appointments to see the houses were arranged with one stipulation; Dotty must see them all. She smiled at the memory of Lee leading her around each house, asking her opinion on everything from the moldings to the baseboards. They had finally settled on a beautiful house in Rockville with plenty of space for Dotty's garden and enough room for their growing family.

Dotty had always felt loved as a mother and as a grandmother but the love of her son-in-law was something she never expected.

Another hour had passed before she had seen Lee again. He had come to take her to see Amanda now that she had been settled into her room. Dotty pushed open the door and stepped into the soft light. The fluorescent lights had been turned off and the room was bathed in only the gentle light of the snow illuminate against the streetlamps . Amanda was sleeping, her head turned towards Dotty. She looked exhausted but a small smile graced her lips. Dotty felt a rush of pride like never before for her daughter. She was, undoubtedly, the strongest woman she had ever known. How she had managed to have lived not one, not two, but three lives simultaneously was not something easy to comprehend. Her recovery from her gunshot was one for the record books according to her surgeons and now a new baby had entered their lives. Yes, this year had been filled with shocks and surprises both terrible and more wonderful than she could have imagined. Dotty shook her head in wonder, tears trailing down her cheeks. How she wished her husband could have lived to see this.

Dotty looked at her daughter and sighed contentedly.


End file.
